A new post from the fabulous LaMesha, on sex, sex while pregnant…..and the adventures brought on by a changing body!
I find missionary position the sexiest. In my non-sexy life I am in charge of a small child, work full time, and do all sorts of things that make me miserable, so the thought of my boyfriend, who is both a sailor and a frat guy, taking charge in the bedroom, and being on top of me, is really hot. I like resting my ankles on his shoulders, looking up at him, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck and feeling the warmth of his body. I am a total submissive. We have very traditional gender roles in our house. Missionary position works for us. It isn’t all we do by any means, but it’s my personal favorite.
However, now that I’m nearing my 3rd trimester of pregnancy, missionary position isn’t comfortable. (Side note: The pull out method totally does NOT work as a form of birth control). I can’t handle so much pressure on my belly from his body weight and lying on my back for more than a few minutes feels funny. I am slightly heartbroken by all this. Being bent over the washing machine just feels impersonal, and it isn’t as cozy as our bed either. Some days I am almost in tears because he’s here and I can feel him but I can’t see him when we’re fucking. How awful to feel so sexy and to have heightened sensitivity but not be able to get in a position you like.
The only real solution is to climb on top and ride him. On the couch, on the bed, on the floor, it doesn’t really matter, as long as I can see him and he can see my DD boobs and I can put them in his mouth. Riding is definitely a skill and not something that comes naturally to me because I was never one of those people that were comfortable sitting on their knees. If there is a class on how to ride a dick, I am unaware of it, so I did some research: I watched a ton of porn online of ladies riding men and women (with strap-ons). If you are going to do this, remember that people who are in porn are professionals so try not to feel bad about your life after watching it. Not everyone is having sex like that.
I also read on this guy’s blog that if you (a woman) want to get better at riding, just ask him to let you practice. He will NOT say no. So I sent my sailor a text message saying, “Hey baby. I want to get better at riding you. Can we practice that this weekend until I get good at it?” And sure enough he said, “sure, have at it cowgirl”. I think this would work well if you wanted to get better at sucking dick, doing anal or something else like that. Just saying what you want to do sexually works wonders. If you can’t say it out loud, send a text, bonus points if you send a picture along with it.
My riding practice started last night. He was sleeping so I just climbed on top of him naked and stuck my boobs in his face and covered his neck in kisses. Obviously, he woke right up. He was extremely responsive and excited but his job was to lie there and let me grind and bounce and swirl my wide birthing hips on top of him. He gave good feedback/dirty talk (“like this” and “yeah like that, get it”) and my confidence soared. After about 20 minutes I was exhausted and we eventually ended up in good ole reliable doggy style but I did feel closer to him, just like I do with missionary. So I would say it went well. There are still a few things I’d like to do better, but I’m not a porn star anymore.
LaMesha is extremely burned out on life and finds refuge and comfort in fucking guys who wear uniforms. Nearly all of her friends have seen her tits either in person or via text or the internet. However after breastfeeding for over 3 years, she still thinks her tits are pretty sweet. She has a 6 year old son and a sailor at home so she’s all about anything pink and glittery (for balance). In her next life she would like to be a youtube “beauty guru” or dermatologist, or both,however right now she is very busy procrastinating her way through a master’s thesis for her MPH. Her baby girl is due in January 2013.
Click here for more information about upcoming opportunities to connect with other moms around sexuality topics!
I have a confession to make. I have a very hard time talking dirty. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I can swear like sailor, and I rather love the word “cunt” but somehow, when I get down to the nitty gritty the only things coming out of mouth are moans and sigh, maybe a few “oh god yes’s” but really? I’m not the kind to wax verbose about thick meaty cocks. Or something….
However, my partner finds dirty talk sexy (he also likes role play, which is something that, again, inexplicably makes me blush and stammer, which is pretty funny considering that I’ve had group sex, sex in front of other people, been tied up and humiliated in any number of ways) and so, for his sake I will embark on an attempt to learn how to do this thing that seems to come so naturally to so many other people.
In one month I’ll return to relay my experience of this little experiment, and though I may not be awarded the filthiest woman alive, I’ll certainly give it a motherfucking try!
Hi folks! Unfortunately, due to multiple factors we are rescheduling Sexy Mamas Night Out to September 22nd. Our apologies to those who were planning on coming this Saturday – we were really looking forward to seeing you. We hope you can make it in September and also hope that means more mamas will be in town (and perhaps seriously needing a night out after the first few weeks of school for those with school-aged kiddos!)
|It’s time for a Sexy Mama’s Night Out!Are you a mother (or mom-to-be) wanting to connect with other moms around topics of sex and sexuality? Are you tired of not having your sexy side nurtured….or are you just really damn tired and don’t care about sex? Wherever you are on the spectrum, The Sexy Mamas invite you to join us for an evening of food, drink, and great conversation!
We will also be introducing our upcoming Sexy Mamas Practice Groups!
Babes in arms welcome.
Questions? Email firstname.lastname@example.org
It seems like wherever I turn these days, people are talking about gender and kids. Whether it’s people freaking out about a J.Crew ad where a mom paints her son’s toenails, a parent catching flack then making national news for letting her 5-year-old boy wear a Daphne costume to school, or the Girl Scouts of Colorado having to clarify their position on who is welcome to be a scout, our mainstream society is really trying to figure out this “gender thing.”
In my own interactions with families where I live, many progressive parents really want to talk to their kids about gender identity and expression but they just don’t know how to do it. These are often parents who are supportive of GLBT families, usually have queer-identified friends or coworkers, but who probably don’t have any folks who identify as transgender or genderqueer in their lives they are close to.
I am blessed to be part of a diverse family and community of queer and straight folks including people who identify and present all over the map when it comes to gender- a gay man who owns about 100 scarves and is known to don glitter eye-shadow and sarongs occasionally; butch-presenting, straight-identified women; trans women and men of all stripes; gender benders; masculine leather men of all orientations who wear Utilikilts and who aren’t afraid to be affectionate with the men they love who are like family to them…the list goes on and on. And in the center of all this is my daughter, soaking it in, learning, and loving her family and the people in our community.
So here I am in my own life, a part of many communities and I so desperately want to help people make connections so we can work together on this stuff! Of course that’s difficult. This is a deeply personal subject, and we often don’t share a common language – that can be a real barrier. The unfortunate thing I see is when we as queer folks get hung up on terminology and deep philosophical discussions about the gender binary and so on, we can miss out on opportunities to really help create allies. It also is not transgender folks’ responsibility to educate others, which is a big part of why I have been doing more education and discussion-leading lately with parents and educators around these topics. I really believe if we can start have some honest, open, and concrete discussion about gender identity and expression, we can create more allies in our schools and communities. And that would be a fantastic thing.
So let’s start with one of my new favorite tools for talking about this subject: The Genderbread Person (Click to enlarge):
Now this is not a perfect model, but it’s pretty concrete and a good starting point for people who want to have a better understanding about the different facets of sexuality that make us who we are. Most of us have never really thought about our gender identity, expression or our biological sex. We just “know” who we are (or we think we do. Or people decide for us). But this isn’t the case for everyone. Nature loves diversity (remember this for later when we discuss talking to our kids) and humans are no exception. Having an understanding about these facets of sexuality as different, distinct parts is important. What this translates to is really getting grounded in the fact that how someone thinks about themselves does not necessarily mean they present in a specific way, and none of this is dependent on their biological sex. I.e. Someone can be biologically female, have female genitalia, identify as a woman, present as a feminine woman in dress and interactions, and be attracted to men. But any number of combinations are possible and do exist.
If you’ve never thought about sexuality and gender in this way, this can be big stuff. You might be like “whoa,” you might be skeptical, you might even be laughing and thinking all this is a bunch of bullshit. All of those reactions are normal and fine – however if I may, I would encourage you to keep an open mind. While this model may not resonate for you, it’s been hugely comforting and liberating to many people whose reality does not fit within the narrow confines of what are considered “appropriate gender roles” in our current mainstream culture in the United States.
In Part Two we’ll talk more about how we can talk specifically to our kids about gender.
In Part Three I’ll address how as parents we can be allies to transgender and genderqueer folks in our schools and community.
For now, Where are you at on this subject? What information do you need? What questions do you have? This is a time and place for respectful discussion and we’d love to hear from you.
Going to bed before 10pm helps this Sexy Mama stay sane. Sleep is probably the number one thing we hear about from moms that impacts their sex drive and desire. What’s your experience? What have you learned that works for you?